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2016 Power Rankings-Week 4
<---Previous Week Next Week ---> Introduction Life comes at you fast. Three teams headed into the Monday Night Football with the lead only to see it torn from their grasp. A fourth team was blown out by over 100 points. A fifth team was able to hold on by the narrowest margin of victory so far this season as their matchup came down to the last play on Sunday night. Before we move on, I understand some people may have missed the Presidential Debate on Monday so they could watch the football game. For those who missed it, here are the highlights: Great, now that we’ve reached our quota of political humor for the season, back to what matters. Matt Jinx Update I feel like I owe several teams my sincerest apologies. First, I called MVP vs. RIP the matchup of the week and instead it became the most predictable blowout of the week and the only game without any drama. I have to do better. Second, I have a terrible feeling I Matt-Jinxed Paddock 9 and ma ma momma said into collapsing on Monday night. Because I have a confession to make and please do not think less of me: It is nearly impossible for me to find the time to write the rankings between Tuesday and Thursday night kickoff, so I occasionally, maybe kind of sort of start writing them on Monday. Usually I’ll do write ups for a game that has already ended or games where a team leads by such a large margin it is going to be impossible for their opponent to come back. So on Monday afternoon I wrote some paragraphs for momma, Paddock 9, Dee and Shotti. Of course I assumed, wrongly, that Dee and Shotti had been upset by Paddock and momma. So, momma, Paddock, I am sorry that I Matt-Jinxed you into two of the biggest Monday Night collapses of all time. 3-0 Last week I pointed out that only one team out of seven that started 0-3 was able to make the playoffs. That’s not a good sign for MVP. So what about 3-0 teams? Turns out only six teams prior to this season have started 3-0, and of those only one missed the playoffs. That was again in 2011, when Big Sacks (since defunct) started 5-1 before going on a six game losing streak and tying for sixth. They then lost the tie-breaker to Papa’s Posse and missed the playoffs. No teams started 3-0 in 2014 or 2012 and Garoppoblow Me was the one team to start 3-0 last season. They finished fourth. Curiously enough, no team that started 3-0 won the league that season. Website Updates I understand most of you probably don't check the website except to read the rankings, but I do keep the stats updated every week. That being said, the extensive editing required to change everyone's names to what they are now will have to wait until I have more time. For now your team names are what they were last season on all non-power ranking pages. Stat Notes * ma ma momma said had the third highest score by a losing team in regular season history and fifth highest score by a losing team playoffs/regular season combined. * MMMS becomes the first team to play 80 games. * MVP becomes the 8th team to 30 losses. It took them 78 games, slower than any other team. The record may not hold for long. To tie the record for slowest to 30 losses, The Shotti Bunch will have to go at least 6-6 in their next twelve games. * MVP becomes the 3rd team to reach 14,000 regular season points scored. Eggplant becomes the 4th. * P9 becomes the 6th team to 13,000 regular season points. * Dee becomes the 9th team to 8000 regular season points. * RIP becomes the fifth team to 40 wins. * Dee is currently on a 3-game win streak. That is the longest win streak in franchise history. In 2015 they had two 2-game win streaks. In 2014 they only won two games. * GBM becomes the first team to reach 14,000 regular season points against. Papa’s Posse becomes the second. * GBM and Papa’s Posse become the 6th and 7th teams to reach 30 regular season wins. * GBM becomes the 5th team to reach 16,000 combined points. * TSB becomes the 8th team to reach 15,000 points scored. They now have their sights set on Paddock 9, who leads Shotti in scoring by less than 200 points despite playing twelve more games. Survivor Update One elimination this week and that’s Chris, who changed his pick from the Dolphins to the Cardinals at the last second. Probably 99 out of 100 times that’s the right decision but this is Survivor and the tribe has spoken. Picks for the Thursday night game by kickoff on Thursday, all others by 1pm kickoff on Sunday. ---- Power Rankings 1(1). Deez Sons of Bitchez Bench Points - 14.05 TPS - 213.14 2015 Week Four Ranking - 2 Going into Monday night, Dee was down by a whopping 81.29 points. They had only scored 92.29 with their first eight players AND their opponent still had a player going. Dee staged one of the greatest comebacks these eyes have ever seen. 106.80 points on Monday night. 45.62 from Brees, 30.28 from Ingram, 30.90 from Fleener. Julio Jones, meanwhile, a 2.8 for Paddock 9 but that barely matters. He would have had to score 25.51 just to tie Dee. Dee goes from choking in the ultimate trap game to establishing herself as Queen of the fantasy football hive. I could point out Dee would have been beaten by seven other teams this week, and that their bench is looking about as healthy as the welcome center at a methadone clinic, but let’s just enjoy what we witnessed on Monday night: the death of Paddock 9’s hopes and dreams. ---- 2(2). Papa’s Posse Bench Points - 82.26 TPS - 288.76 2015 Week Four Ranking - 7 While Monday night packed the real drama, Sunday night had a lot to offer as well. 201.80-189.31 going into the night for the Posse, with the underwhelming Jason Witten going against Alshon Jeffery, coming off back to back 20+ point games. Witten predictably underperformed with 4.70 points, so all Jeffery needed to do was score 17.30, and it came down to the very last play. Down 3, with Jeffrey and the Bears offense driving into the redzone, Eggplant’s Alshon Jeffrey was given a look by Brian Hoyer in the endzone that would have sealed the upset. The pass was incomplete, the Bears were flagged for offensive holding, and Papa’s Posse slipped away with the win. Papa has now won three games in which key players have put up duds, including Palmer with 12 points and Diggs with 9.6 a week after both had stellar performances on the bench. No matter for King Papa. The man is burning down the house! ---- 3(4). The Shotti Bunch Bench Points - 84.74 TPS - 354.06 2015 Week Four Ranking - 3 Do not...I REPEAT, do NOT let your guard down with The Shotti Bunch. Sure they were one play away from being 1-2. You know when else they were 1-2? Last season. You know when else? The season before that. This team starts off 2-2 every year and every year they make it to the semi-finals. So no, I wouldn’t say anything negative about TSB, especially now that they aren’t 1-2, they’re 2-1. They are the only team to have scored over 220 points every week and they also have a well-known national treasure returning to the field in week five named Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. Seeing Shotti start 2-1 is like a polar bear waking up to see his ice shelf melting. And the worst part is they were one play away from losing, but then in garbage time Freeman broke off a 48 yard first down run, good for 14.54 points (5 points bonus for going over 150 on the day, 3 point bonus for a 40+ yard run, plus 0.3 for the first down and 0.13 per yard gained). Instead of losing by 5.23, they won by 9.31. ---- 4(3). Peeled Eggplant Bench Points - 111.88 TPS - 314.89 2015 Week Four Ranking - 9 I wouldn’t expect Cam Newton to be shut down every week the way he was against Papa’s Posse. The fantasy point monster was stifled by Minnesota’s suffocating defense. Ryan Mathews, meanwhile, did the impossible and scored negative points. Considering you get points per rushing attempt, this feat is extraordinary and I’m tempted to give PE bonus points back just for pulling it off. Benching the win is probably the worst feeling in the world, especially when you start a runningback with negative points and have a runningback on your bench with 43.95. Now that they’ve faced the 1st and 2nd place teams, they now have the 3rd place team in week 4, then the 4th place team in week 5. They have to pull of at least one win in the next two weeks to be taken seriously again. ---- 5(7). Garoppoblow Me Bench Points - 54.10 TPS - 286.69 2015 Week Four Ranking - 1 GBM channeled their hatred for the franchise killing gungen and took down one of the three remaining undefeated teams. If No Gronk = No Problem, does that mean Gronk = Problem? I guess not, as Gronk is such a good tight end that just by being in the lineup with 0 points he was able to propel GBM to victory. Meanwhile, KC defense carried the team like Josh Norman carried Odell Beckham Jr. Going into Monday night, GBM basically needed Matt Ryan to just not die on his first snap to nab the come from behind victory. Despite all the injuries and suspensions and rookie draft picks and poor start/sit decisions, GBM is tied for third place through three weeks and has seen promising production out of the flex spots. This season is far from a lost cause. ---- 6(5). JarJar Stinks! Bench Points - 70.94 TPS - 274.69 2015 Week Four Ranking - 4 Eric Decker had one catch for 31 yards. Chiefs defense had 6 catches, 55 yards, and a touchdown. That just about says it all for JJ this week. Maybe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing? JarJar has so many wide receivers it’s almost impossible to decide who to start. In this case, they chose poorly. They also caught an un-Lucky break by benching Andrew Luck against that ghost-like Chargers defense. Is it possible that GBM Jedi-mind tricked JarJar into benching Luck with last week’s power ranking diatribe regarding Luck’s “clutch” gene? Is this tampering? Should GBM be suspended four games and lose a draft pick? ---- 7(9). RIPDab Bench Points - 53.18 TPS - 315.45 2015 Week Four Ranking - 6 A win is a win, even if it came against the lowest scoring team. RIP would have beaten 8 other teams this week, so let’s not call this a schedule blessing. Ten players hit double digits, the lone single-digiter being DeAngelo Williams, whose fantasy value has now plummeted until Le’Veon Bell inevitably tears something somewhere and is sent back to IR until 2017. The biggest standout is EZ Elliot, the first round pick who is finally starting to look like a first round pick. Even in a shared backfield, Coleman also looks like a force to be reckoned with this season. RIP will have trouble deciding which Cincy runningback to start on a week to week basis, but the team that few believed in is starting to click and RIP might have something going here if they can take down one of their rivals in week four. ---- 8(8). Ma ma momma said Bench Points - 71.51 TPS - 331.52 2015 Week Four Ranking - 5 After fleeing to Australia for the Championship Game, MMMS decided instead to try a new continent on for size and stayed in London for the weekend, to much the same result. MMMS is now 1-2 and continues to start the low scoring Russell Wilson over Jameis Winston. I guess starting a guy with the word “win” in their name is too on the nose for momma. While the Vikings may be better without Adrian Peterson, that’s a hard sell in the case of momma. TJ Yeldon subbed in and only scored 5.53 points. Shane Vereen, meanwhile, is headed to IR, another huge blow to momma’s already bulimic RB corp. They should be looking to trade or acquire some RBs before they find themselves stuck in a bye-nd (get it..bind? bye-nd?) with nowhere to run (or no one to run...you guys get it?). ---- 9(6). HELLEVATOR MVP Bench Points - 48.75 TPS - 209.09 2015 Week Four Ranking - 10 Yikes. MVP couldn’t even muster up the strength to beat RIP in an even year. Fozzy Wozzy was a bust. Perhaps not so surprising. However, one of the biggest letdowns of the season so far has to be Cobb. RC has only scored 28.7 points this season. There were 30 non-QB players who scored over 28.7 in week three alone. Since going 13-2 and winning the championship game in 2014, MVP is 5-13, a record which includes a current losing streak of 7 games. One has to ask: is MVP cursed? They did wait until the last minute to pay their dues. And I do recall them questioning the will of the Fantasy Gods after they were ranked low in week one. Jeez I just don’t know, I’d definitely make some sort of sacrifice if I were them. ---- 10(10). Paddock 9 Bench Points - 94.48 TPS - 270.86 2015 Week Four Ranking - 8 With their loss on Monday, P9 becomes the only team to have a losing streak of at least 3 games in all six seasons. Was this the biggest blow ever for Paddock 9? This was like the helmet catch of losses. The Butt Fumble of defeats. Not only did they lose, but Langford is out 4-6 weeks. Jay Ajai and DeMarco Murray are now their only runningbacks. The icing on the cake is their idol, JJ Watt, is going on IR with a back injury. Carrying the Texans has finally become too much for him. Is there any way to remedy this situation. I mean it's not like this is their only roster. They've had different rosters each of the last five years and all of those rosters have been terrible, as well. Patrick, I know you aren’t this bad at fantasy football. I don't think it's possible for one person to be so bad at this game. I think you just refuse to worship the Fantasy Gods. I promise, as soon as you bow down to them, your luck will begin to change. They are of a forgiving Order. Apologize to the Mighty Ones. Otherwise, I cannot help you. No one can. MATCHUP OF THE WEEK - The Tables Have Turned Last season 3-0 Garoppoblow Me came into the matchup with 2-1 Deez Sons of Bitchez and was upset in a stunner. This year, it's Dee that is 3-0 and GBM looking to pull the upset at 2-1. The odds are stacked against GBM, as current projections show a blowout by Dee. Matthews and Nelson are both on the bye, but Bell and Gronk are both expected to see their first real action. As for Dee, an 18-point underperformance with little to no bench depth has to have them questioning the sustainability of their team as they enter the first bye week. The most important part of this matchup is that Dee and Garoppoblow will be going to the Atlanta Falcons vs. Carolina Panthers game together on Sunday, where three of their key players will take the field, including GBM's QB and Dee's WR2. Minnesota defense, dropped earlier this season by Dee, now plays for GBM. They shut down Benjamin last week, can they continue their dominance on Monday night?